Lifetimes of Purpose

Coming back from watching "How to Train a Dragon", which is a thoroughly enjoyable movie, I was reflecting on the simple and warm feelings a good, well-made movie can do. Prior to watching this I was in a downswing of emotions and moods, trying to keep it together, when the idea of catching a nice pick-up flick caught my mind thanks to way the online oceans tend to carry ideas around.

The positive mood that I was blessed with, largely thanks to the movie, made me feel like this was a sign to continue pursuing and developing my creative side. As I often do, I quickly associated this with some rough number crunching. While most people wouldn't associate creativity and enjoyment with numbers, this sort of calculation is really very simple and something I'm sure many may have stumbled upon.

Let us take for example this very movie, "How to Train a Dragon". It is around 1.5-2 hours long of enjoyment, amusement, happiness or whatever positive emotion you wish to ascribe to watching it. Let us say then that at least a hundred thousand people, around the world, have so enjoyed the movie. This is around 200,000 hours worth of enjoyment, albeit distributed amongst many different persons. But 200,000 hours of life spent is roughly the equivalent of 22 years of any single person's life.

Now take any book or any other piece of literature in any form of media, which often takes more time to finish than a movie, and relate it to the simple calculation above. This is certainly a simplistic view of things, but nonetheless it has some semblance of truth to it.

While I have responsibilities and duties that have been thrust upon me, I do not ever wish to give up this thing that I believe God has gifted to me - this meager talent or at least, desire, for writing and what other creative skills I have. I believe that someday, after I have done what 'duties' have been asked of me, I will be able to produce work that will salve the souls of others, or at least for some moments give them enjoyment, happiness or food for thought.

And when I am at that point, I hope to remember that perhaps for ever little book or piece I might produce - it just may be the equivalent of one person's lifetime worth of happiness.

Flashes of Inspiration

It's amazing how, when doing something totally unrelated, a series of thoughts suddenly brings you to a vision or realization. This could be a concept an epiphany or anything. But tonight, for me, it was a flash of artistic inspiration.

People leading to action, leading to setting, leading to the sudden coalescing of imagery into a scope that takes my breath away. Colors and hues, shapes, and the wonder of a beautiful scape suddenly fixes itself in my mind's eye. Then it shifts, alive, and presents to me the passage of time and the change of things. Another view, another image comes to me, like a smuggler secretly coming ashore.

It is the beauty of brightness and remembrance of ancient glories, discovered by the presence of two people, each innocent yet sensual in their presence. And in the other, a cool, calm scenery with the presence of humanity yet its absence, hinting at activity that lies just beyond the frozen picture.

I am saddened that I cannot do justice to what springs forth. But I do what I can, and affix these poor scribblings into words and penciled scratches, hoping that someday in the future I shall be able to learn better how to bring such vistas alive. They shall be given depth, color and true shape as befits what is hidden beneath such rough shadings. Someday, they shall be completed.

Cooldown

All of a sudden, I'm worn out. The energy I've been running along the past few weeks has finally petered out and I've gotten stuck trying to think of where to draw strength again. I look inwards and remember God, and I grasp desperately onto that hand. It suffices and I know it'll prevent me from totally bottoming out in terms of emotional, mental and spiritual fuel, but nonetheless there's a sense of lack.

It isn't that I find a lack in the Lord or anything, as I know that beyond all comprehension, I do feel a sense of reassurance in remembering what He is and stands for. But it is still difficult to rouse myself to do the day to day things I should be doing. I have the ultimate 'power core', that which will bring me to the final and ultimate end that I desire. But again, I feel like I need a bit of the 'mundane' stuff also to help me get through the steps I need to survive and flourish in this Earth that I've been born into.

Maybe I just needed a breather.

What Lies Ahead?

As the school year draws to an end, my last few subjects and their final presentation looming before me as my last major hurdle to graduation, I wonder what lies beyond in life for me. It is a daunting thing to know that I'll soon be taking part in the family business and learning the ropes on how to handle it.

Often times I think I won't be a good boss, that I'll be the doom of the corporation and that I'll cause dozens, if not hundreds, of people to lose their jobs or something. I have to remind myself when this idea looms that dozens of others my own age have done what I'm about to do or have done more. This trial before me is something that is meant to be.

But that aside, in these last few weeks as a 'proper student' in the last few steps of my life in the academe I've begun swinging from despondency to inspiration, almost as fast as a coin flip.

It's been rather difficult for me to focus myself and settle down, to just put myself to work and get used to developing a certain degree of self-discipline beyond the level that school demands of you. Things like entrepreneurial spirit and opportunism in the business aspect are things I need to get myself to internalize. But nonetheless these are also part of things that shadow my thoughts, things I need to learn.

Changes, changes.